Written by Jasmina Siderovski
I once said, "The best support you could ever offer someone is to simply keep it real." I still stand by that quote. As you grow if you are anything like me, restless and never at peace (tiresome and drives you nuts), then you will appreciate that the real in our lives is not exactly clear-cut as we think.
I am married to an intelligent soul, a person who is driven and enjoys a challenge and has studied and worked extremely hard to be where he is. He is an individual who knows what he wants in life, very stable and passionate and in all honesty as real as you can be. There are certainly no grey areas and what you see is what you get. You either love him for his naiveness or hate him for calling it out. He has taught me more about myself than I could ever know. Now they say that opposites attract – and how true that is at times.
Unlike him, straight and direct, I am soft and open. I don’t like to judge and am a great listener. I care about those who enter my heart, and for those of you, that know me will stand by my vibes. I tend to hold back and process first before I open my mouth.
Let me tell you a little secret. I used to be once very insecure. I feared the world and would hide trying hard not to be noticed and hopefully stay under the radar. On the outside, I was shy and quiet, but on the inside, I was different. I loved to read; Einstein was my hero, music was my soul, the animals around me were my friends and always curious almost about anything and everything. I loved to write and write all night. I loved to connect with my pen pals (no social media back then) from around the world, especially the ones that lived in poverty, in third world countries. It was them that I seemed to connect to the most. I loved fashion, and I loved the news, I would watch it on every channel, and I loved being with myself because I was the only one who understood me. So I thought. Anyone relate?
No one knew who I was and what I was like because I would never let anyone in, entirely a learning curve of my own. I blocked everyone out, as I feared to fail to be perfect. The sun in my stars for those that believe, perhaps, wasn't quite ready for me to be free; maybe I was just at an age with too many questions not asked. Either way, I was someone even I didn’t know at the time.
It got worse as young as my twenties; I started to question my direction. Was it family or was it the world of art, culture, and the unknown that I should choose. Am I comfortable with marriage and a family, culture, religion, and traditions or do I owe it to myself to travel hoping to learn, see and find what it is that I may be looking for?
I now appreciate that it’s the imperfection in our lives, to let nature do its thing and guide us the best way it knows how. Despite how we feel and the questions in our head. Age, perhaps, is the level of experience we are lived by and exposed. It's our barrier, and weakness as some of us mature faster, and the rest take our time. Neither is right or wrong, everyone shapes when it is time.
I married the most amazing person when I was 26, (I know now) after eight years of getting to know each other, we setup our lives not aware that we were grooming the other and working out this thing called love. In all honesty, we had each other; there was no rush to set it in stone. When you are comfortable and not even aware of it, you tend to make some rational choices and not be as impulsive. For us, it was about creating a future based on the truth. We just had no idea that this is what we were doing at the time. Today, we realise it certainly was a bonus being different personalities so unlike, it gave us identity, and we became ‘him’ and ‘her,’ rather than ‘them,’ ‘his’ or ‘hers.’
I believe it all created a balance and fine-tuned our reasons for being attracted to each other. Together, we set up a third personality – the creation of black and white set in colour. No, it's not meant to make sense at all. As we combined respect and core over the years, this steered us in different directions that affirmed substance how we set out to achieve our goals. It taught us that we both have quality and lead unique lives.
Naturally, as you build your future, you bring more to the table, a career, children and a vision that eventually becomes your dream. Now back to this realist in my life who keeps me challenged in more ways than one, I have as an eclectic, learned to balance the colours and the black and white in life.
As you grow with love, heartache, fear, and disappointment, success, prosperity, milestones, and struggles you do reach a point where you analyse deeper what it is that build your wealth, your stability, and your home. You form priorities, purpose and a plan to achieve what our parents have taught us as the right thing to do. Suddenly, your interpretation of beauty and the beast are a methodology that teaches you patience and how to tame the impatience in life. In fact, you finally work out that this thing called love and life it isn’t clear-cut at all.
Wow, this becomes even more confusing as we now take note that not everyone thinks as we do. Suddenly, the world is enormous. We feel minuscule as we question the level of our worth compared to those who seem to have it all and achieved what appears to be more real than we ever will be. Does this mean that you give up and accept that we may have it all wrong? Is it time to convert and integrate with the sheep? No offense intended mind you, just a generalisation how our life may seem from outside of the norm.
Confidence and stability become a little more inviting as we figure out how to pay our bills. However, with it, we find that in the real world, we are challenged to perform. To grow, apparently as an individual and rise with our mentors, targets, and growth, as it becomes all about stigma, status and competition, dexterity and wit and our ticket for paying for our food; we certainly can't argue with that.
As patience is wearing weak and you become comfortable with the challenge you set yourself, to discover what the truth is? The Phoenix rises to the challenge that society has defined.
Welcome to the rat race, the peer pressure of survival in an expensive life. How is this your chance to make it a little more sublime and bringing your deck of cards to the game of life?
Over time, for those who probably relate to me perhaps in some aspects and not all – no two souls were ever meant to be the same. You find that you start to listen. That voice you ignored because you feared that the realists in this world would make a mockery of your thoughts. As the suit and tie so to speak, as each profession is unique. White collar they are branded I believe, look down on you because the glitter and sparkle you might introduce in the colour palette of life belong in ‘la la land’ and are not in line with the rules of education, research and stability.
To me, real is appreciating that I have a voice and it counts. Real is watching others struggle in a world that is so different for so many people. Real is learning traits from both those who have made it and those who stepped back, neither a success nor a failure. We are all different, and we learn from each other. Real is acknowledging that people are people, as we appreciate all individuals. It is stepping into the world that belongs to all of us and not just the ones who feel superior because apparently, they worked it out. Real is nature and the animal kingdom we love. They have both shared earth the same time as us, correction they were here before us.
Real is the politics in our lives, the challenges and hard work, the criticism and the questions, building our countries in a world economy so competitive and disrespectful? Real is the music that artists encourage us to feel as they bring us together and unite us in life. Real is the art in our lives, the colours, the passion, the expressions and the art of life. Real is the generation we live in, 2017 that soon will leave.
Real are the love and the lack of being loved. Real is family, the strangers we may be. Real is our children who were once you and me. Real is traveling and different cultures that bring wealth in gifts from their ancestors. Real is the education to appreciate the past and help tomorrow along. Real is disease and illness, research and innovation, technology and social media, science and the universe. It is all of it, the struggles and the poverty, the limelight and making history. Real is discovery and emotions and life. Real is you and I.
To me bringing the balance of sorting the priorities in my life combined with the beauty to be alive, the uncertainty, the emotions and that it’s okay to feel lost. It is all of this and more. Hence, when I see a realist, I respect them because that's who they are. My real is perhaps one filled with questions that may never have an answer. The fact that being able to step up and say I am real, I don't know how it all works. I am learning, and I am trying my best to be a mother, a wife, and a mentor.
Next time, you step out and fear to be you, trust your energy. You have the right to expression and your thoughts. Don’t let anyone, or any company, life coach or mentor teach you what and how. Absorb their values, process their knowledge, acknowledge their success, respect their position and take what will be the reality in your life. Use it to teach them how together it all forms a mould. You learn from them, the power of the mind. They learn from us that they were once us.
Connecting to different groups of people and networks, different goals, different dreams, different aspirations, and uniqueness is maybe a start. However, learning to respect that we are individuals and not a number, a commodity or profit. Recognizing our values and our visions, success and our setbacks. Recognizing our right to say how we feel and listen.
Most of all – It is the respect that we are all engineered to perform at our own pace, which defines REAL.
To the one in my heart, that seems shell-shocked how I dare see life this way? The one that society appears to acknowledge as aspiring, successful and having your head "screwed on." After 26 years, it's rather interesting that you have stuck by the colorful like me? I guess it goes both ways, which proves the importance of sharing each other’s dream. So, maybe real is that we bounce off each other and keep us both in line. It is consistent I think, with society too as all the mirage of personalities create this place we call earth.
When you listen to what's not said and hear its message so loud, you may open your world to so much more than even you may be ready. Perhaps even a prodigy of yourself. Don't fear what comes across as gospel; it's a reflection of control and assurance cementing stability and protocol. Or is perhaps protocol in truth the secret code of security attracting knowledge and awareness from the tiny fish in the sea that could never work out why they could never climb a tree.
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." – Albert Einstein
It is the respect – that we are all engineered to perform at our own pace, which defines a realist. The aim of a race is about winning indeed. I'm just a little confused since when did my life become a race?